Why Getting Married Is Super Easy
Updated: Oct 10, 2018
When I was about 24, a family member specifically called me to ask me if I ever wanted to get married. I was packing up my room at my parents' house in Virginia to move halfway across the country to go to seminary for grad school. I replied, “Sure, eventually. But I’m just
living my life right now.” I told this family member that I wasn’t going to worry about it.
Then this family member began to rattle off the statistics of eligible black men who were educated, saved, and willing to wait. “I’d say it’s like 2% of the black male population and of that 2% some are already taken. So if you want to get married to a black man I suggest you make it a priority”...Ha! I’m usually a pretty laid back person especially when it comes to my elders, but I just said, “If God can get Sarah pregnant at 90 then He can bring someone I want to marry. Like I said, I’m living my life.” My family member made it seem like I could just go to Target (I love Target) and just pick up a husband off the self and be done with it. It was as if he were suggesting that there were few available so I need to go get one, but I'm just choosing not to. I remember telling my parents about the call, who by the way are all about my single life and have never put any pressure on me because they know marriage is not a game. I told my parents, “I mean they just make it seem like it’s so easy to get married."
As the years went by, going to seminary, serving in ministry, traveling, and working, I realized it is easy to get married!!! It's especially easy in a seminary setting. There's like dozens and dozens of single men trying to get hitched and like 7 women. Want to hurry and get married? Just place yourself in a setting like that, you'll find somebody quick. Let me tell you! In its most basic form, getting an adult to agree to marry me, is not difficult at all. I could have been married by now. Totally could have! And I would have been miserable. Let’s see...let me give you a few examples of people I could have married...There was one guy who wanted to marry me but he had some struggles with his sexual orientation. I personally want to marry someone who is confident that he is attracted to women first of all and in addition to that, attracted to me. Then I could’ve married a man who believed women should only be there to support their husbands and bear children. God forbid if she tried to preach or have her own career or ministry. That was sinful. I totally could’ve married him, I’d just have to be a completely different person and change my beliefs altogether. Oh! Then there was an abuser. He really wanted to marry me. I mean really really wanted to. What a great life that would have been.
But one of my favorites, and the easiest person I could have married, is a man I met on my study abroad trip to Israel a few years ago. My classmates and I were in the Wadi Qilt near The Ascent of Adummim headed to Jericho. This is where Jesus made his last trip up to Jerusalem from Jericho before Passover (Luke 19). It's also the route Jesus speaks of in the famous Good Samaritan parable (Luke 10:30-37). We were just marveling at how amazing the terrain was and we stopped to take pictures. The backdrop was beautifully etched with miles and miles of sandy red desert hills.
As we were congregating, we saw a man come from a short distance with his camel. As soon as he approached our group he began to praise me! I mean the brotha was just short of bowing. He walked towards me, humbly, but confident. That's an attractive trait. He pointed way off into the distance to what looked like a small shantytown enveloped by sand and rock. He said “That, my home.” I’m like “oh okay,” all intrigued like. Then he says, “You come home and be wife.” Eeerrrhhh, What? Pump the brakes brotha. Cool the jets my dude. He goes on, “Yes, you like. Nice home.” He starts to like nudge me on. Wait, wait, wait...hold up now. He was super excited and smiling from ear to ear like I said yes, like this was a real possibility. I'm not sure how it works in Bedouin culture. Like you can just claim your bride? Where I come from it doesn't work like that homie.
After some back and forth, my Bedouin husband motioned to my classmate to take a picture. And there we were on our wedding day! See easy! Look how happy and thrilled I looked.
When I got back to Old City Jerusalem, I went shopping and found a beautiful dress. My Israel dress. It's soft and flowy. I think it's silk, I'm not sure as the tag is in Hebrew. I was drawn to the earthy bronze, brown, orange and tan tones. When I wear it, I feel regal. This dress reminds me of the Ascent of Adummim, the Wadi Qilt and my Bedouin husband. It reminds me of the moment he saw me and lowered his posture in adoration.
It was the best souvenir for Israel. Oh, and as I was checking out, the shop owner said, “Oh very beautiful dress. A beautiful wife you will be in this dress."